I don’t feel very good right now. By that I don’t mean that I’m physically ill, but that my head does not feel good. I’m soul weary, and discouraged, and back in that place of mentally beating myself up on a regular basis. Trying to be everything to everybody and calling myself a failure and a slacker when I fall short of that impossible task…
It’s as if the delivery man has shown up with a fresh package of crap, and I keep opening the door to him and taking the package. Then I’m opening the package and trying to figure out what the hell to do with it all. After a session this morning with my counselor I was reminded that I could open the door, see who’s there, and when I realize it’s that same damn delivery man I can just say “Oh, it’s you again.” And then I can close the door in his face! I don’t have to accept the package.
Or here. Here is another visual. Not only have I been handing the microphone to all of my self-limiting tapes and lies, I’ve been giving them a satellite broadcasting system. Well it’s time to pull the plug. Enough already! I’ll be here some, but in a limited capacity while I spend time yanking the microphone away from the liar, and while I push all of my weight against the door to keep that damn delivery man at bay.
One of my lies is that if I don’t stay current on-line I will become irrelevant. Which might not be a lie in and of itself, but where does my worth come from? That might be where the truth is.