My kids have been screwing up lately…and their lives are speaking about betrayed trust.  And weirdly I’ve only had one moment of flash point anger, where THE ENFORCER reared her head with annihilating power.  That anger flamed up and boiled my insides and then subsided just as quickly.  But what replaced it was a heartbroken love that is far more painful.  How to help my kids navigate their complicated lives without making mistakes with complicated consequences?  How to help my kids let their lives speak with integrity?  How to love them through their mistakes, and not tear their heads off?  How to let my parenting speak with integrity and humility? The humility born from acknowledging my own misteps and regrets made when I was their age. How to find the strength to be consistent and firm because you know that’s what heartbroken love requires?

Maybe heartbroken love looks like asshole parenting to a 13, 17 & 19 year old.  Maybe heartbroken love looks like weakness to a 13, 17 & 19 year old.  Maybe heartbroken love looks like a life line to a 13, 17 & 19 year old.  Who knows. Time will tell.

9 Comments Add yours

  1. heather george priebe says:

    When I read your post several things went through my head.
    1. Not your boys. They were always so good for me. How many years ago was that 😉
    2. Oh my, I have a 7 year old that I struggle with. Is there any hope? I am already of afraid on next year, let alone 10 years from now.
    3. If you find answers to those questions, let me know. They are ones I know I will face one day.

    Thinking of you!
    Heather

  2. amyks says:

    I feel for you…It is interesting how you give your pain so many perspectives, and permission to feel conflicted. I sense that you are a wonderful mom and that these speed bumps in the road will end up being just minor setbacks.
    XOXO!

  3. I am on the “Fear Train” with Heather! #1 goes to high school next year, and the thought of all the madness that she will have at her disposal freaks me out to no end, let ALONE the junk they can get into without even trying!

    At least from this angle, hon, it looks like you are doing fine. I love assisting them in learning from their mistakes instead of condemning. What a sage mystic you are! Hang in there, Boo! We are with you!

  4. golittlered says:

    trying again

  5. golittlered says:

    Oh, dang..it’s Ellen, Jackie. I’ll just email you.

  6. uklassinus says:

    Good luck. I’m scared of how quickly those years are approaching.

    Hell, I’m a little nervous since having a conversation with my kids that went along the lines of ‘will you still love us, even if we’ve been really naughty?’. I said yes. Now, a day later, I’ve thaught about it and now I’m searching for evidence of what they might have done…

  7. uklassinus says:

    *thought, not thaught – and the ‘o’ and the ‘a’ aren’t even close on the keyboard. I need sleep…

  8. Nancy says:

    Try Love and Logic for Parenting Teenagers (something like that). Love it! NIce to know your boys are human, really. I wondered if they were so, so good that, geez, they missed adolescence.

  9. Jan says:

    I’d have to admit that not all of my parenting moments are ones I’d like to crow about. There weren’t many screaming meany ones, but there were a few memorable ones. I think about those events from time to time and am not proud of them. However, I have no clue how I would react differently if confronted with the same situations now. As a grown woman, my daughter and I love each other. She has apologized for her youthful indiscretions and says she gets it now. I guess that is the best I can ever hope for. Good luck, Momma, and happy mother’s day. jan

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