bad start

UGGGHHHH! It was one of those mornings this morning – the start of a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day for one of my children.  And that child made a good effort at making it my problem.  Sadly, for him, I am walking new paths.  I used to jump when someone said “jump”.  Everything felt urgent, no matter who was asking or even if they were asking at the last minute.  Sometimes I still jump, but it’s becoming less and less frequently.  Today I used my skills of deflecting and reflecting.  Deflecting his crisis from becoming my problem, and skills at reflecting the problem back to him.  The crisis – no jeans to wear that fit properly, needing to be at school early for a field trip, and having to leave the house with no breakfast in his tummy (okay, he’s 14 – we don’t end words with “y” or “ie” anymore).  He was frantically asking me where “those jeans” were.  Huh?? It’s 7:15 a.m.  He’s supposed to be at school at 7:30 a.m. (Of course he’s the only one that knows that he’s supposed to be at school at 7:30, because he didn’t tell me until 7:35 a.m.)

Do I feel badly that he is maybe wearing something uncomfortable, maybe got to school too late to make the bus leaving on the field trip, is probably going to be VERY hungry by lunch time?  Yes.  Does a part of me want to jump in and fix things for him.  Yes.  Will that serve him in the long run.  No.  Should I have called him an idiot, and told him that he needs to straighten up and fly right?  No.  Shaming won’t help him navigate the world, it would have just made him feel worse.  Like “Dude, wow you might miss the bus and you are probably starving.  You suck!  You really suck!  I bet you feel like crap right now.  Or if you weren’t already feeling like crap, here let me take this bucket of crap and pour it over your head.  Now do you feel like crap?”

I hope your clothes fit well today, you haven’t missed your ride, and you ate a good nutritious breakfast this morning!

4 Comments Add yours

  1. Mousy Brown says:

    Oh wow – I recognise a whole lot of that…not sure I deal with it well at all. Thanks for the food for thought!

  2. Good for you, lady! I couple of years ago I started the rule that I refuse to sign any test, permission slip, note, etc. after bedtime of the previous day. So as running out the door to catch the bus when a slip needs to be turned in, if child says they have a form for me, I say, “I’m sorry, this isn’t going to happen.” Ok, sometimes it happens…but the couple of times it DIDN’T happen make them not let it happen very often. I am proud of you! And the future wife/boss/girlfriend/YOU of said 14 year old will thank you as well!

  3. amyks says:

    We hand a similar incident happen with our oldest daughter the evening before the second day of school. It was all about finding the perfect outfit (she is 12, in a new school and doesn’t have a dress code anymore). Tears and screaming ensued from both of us :(, I threatened her with “I’ll pick out your clothes and put you back in a ‘uniform’, if you don’t snap out of it!!!”. Well, she is deaf and uses Cochlear Implants to hear, so what did she do but remove them close her eyes and continue to moan, cry and scream at me. It was horrible and not a great parenting moment for me. She did apologize the next day and even wrote a poem titled “Forgiveness poem” about the whole debacle. It has been a couple of weeks and no more battles! Fingers are crossed!!!

  4. amyks says:

    PS. Love the photo!

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