UGGGHHHH! It was one of those mornings this morning – the start of a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day for one of my children. And that child made a good effort at making it my problem. Sadly, for him, I am walking new paths. I used to jump when someone said “jump”. Everything felt urgent, no matter who was asking or even if they were asking at the last minute. Sometimes I still jump, but it’s becoming less and less frequently. Today I used my skills of deflecting and reflecting. Deflecting his crisis from becoming my problem, and skills at reflecting the problem back to him. The crisis – no jeans to wear that fit properly, needing to be at school early for a field trip, and having to leave the house with no breakfast in his
tummy (okay, he’s 14 – we don’t end words with “y” or “ie” anymore). He was frantically asking me where “those jeans” were. Huh?? It’s 7:15 a.m. He’s supposed to be at school at 7:30 a.m. (Of course he’s the only one that knows that he’s supposed to be at school at 7:30, because he didn’t tell me until 7:35 a.m.)
Do I feel badly that he is maybe wearing something uncomfortable, maybe got to school too late to make the bus leaving on the field trip, is probably going to be VERY hungry by lunch time? Yes. Does a part of me want to jump in and fix things for him. Yes. Will that serve him in the long run. No. Should I have called him an idiot, and told him that he needs to straighten up and fly right? No. Shaming won’t help him navigate the world, it would have just made him feel worse. Like “Dude, wow you might miss the bus and you are probably starving. You suck! You really suck! I bet you feel like crap right now. Or if you weren’t already feeling like crap, here let me take this bucket of crap and pour it over your head. Now do you feel like crap?”
I hope your clothes fit well today, you haven’t missed your ride, and you ate a good nutritious breakfast this morning!